Alright, so here's the deal, when messing around in chat I started to write a Live Journal for Voldemort. Lara then suggested it should be a game, and some planning and a quick PM to Accio (who is AWESOME, by the way!) later, and the game was born.

For those who don't know, a Live Journal (or LJ, for short) is a blog site where, once you have opened an account, you use it like an online diary. In the game, we will write Lord Voldemort's for him, starting the night Dumbledore dies.

The aim is mostly to be funny, it is more a satire of both Lord Voldemort and blogging culture in general than a serious in depth exploration of his character! Simply assume the persona of the Dark Lord and so your piece to continue the saga of his life, writing about things he does/sees and how it makes him feel...LJ style! Inc;ude title, date, music and mood, then write away, and feel free to include memes!

Do try to make each post link: refer back to posts before and even possibly to future 'plans' for other people to pick up on, but most of all [b]be funny and have fun[b]! Let's see if we can't make the whole of Immeritus glee their pants and fall off their seats!

I'll begin with the first two to start things off:

The Dark Lord
The Freudian Angst of Slytherin's Heir....

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So confused July the whateverth

Mood: Gah. Is gah a mood?
Music: BeeGees - Stayin Alive

Soooo, today was a crappy day. I mean, DD died and stuff, which I guess is a good thing, but I just feel like, I dunno, I don't have direction anymore. What am I meant to do with no mortal enemy, no serious threat in my life? I know Harry Potter's still around, but without his Dumby it's only a matter of time before I can off him....and then what? I've spent so much time on it and then just poof! It's all gone. What will I do? I mean, I know I'm going for the whole world domination thing, but then what? I'll have eternity just messing about. I dunno, I'm just so unsure sometimes, I just wish I had someone to talk to, but it's a lonly life being a dark lord.

And I feel like all the other Dark Lords are laughing at me, I mean, they all kick butt with their enemies, but me....I can't even kill a teenage boy, I just feel so worthless sometimes. It's hurtful, y'know? Just cos I've got 1 7th of a soul doesn't mean I only feel 1 7th of the pain. I hurt too.

I know what they say when I'm not around: "He's trying to take over the world and has a crazy snake fixation. Trying to overcompensate for something else, eh?"
Well they're WRONG. I'll show them. I'll show them all.

And why do I never show up on it when other people do memes?
I know it's not their fault, but it makes me feel like nobody likes me. *sigh* Oh well, I best get off, Snape just got here and I'm pretty sure he'll want on, he loves to play a wee game of MahJong after a killing.

PS, Jings, Snape the HBP! Who'd a thought it, eh?

*****************

Stupid memes July a bit later on

Mood: A bit bored
Music: Dolly Parton - 9 to 5

Ok, this one's gonna be a meme one.



WTF MATE????? I AM SO SURPRISED I THINK I MIGHT DIE OF SHOCK. I THINK I MIGHT TAKE A HEART ATTACK FROM THAT SURPRISE. ALL & BIT'S OF SOUL JUST SHRIVVEED INTO NOTHINGNESS BECAUSE OF SHEER SURPRISE
[/sarcasm]

Just between us, I had to tweak the answers a bit....I got Granger the first time.
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Clarey!!!! *HUGS* I love you! And you're soooo funny ^_^ Uber cool you made this up in chat!

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I wish the world was bigger... July the 28th

Mood: Thoughtful
Music: ABBA - The Winner Takes It All

Well, I just got back from this murder party. I really liked it, and playing around with those muggles was really cool but... I dunno, it missed sth... kinda... I guess you've got no idea what I'm talking about, but it wasn't as fun as it used to be... I mean, I think things are working up on me, like I said after Dumby died, what next? After I kill that lil teenage boy, what next. There aren't that much muggles anyway... Once I'll run out of them, then...
Ah well, I should be a bit more optimistic; looots of muggles to go (and they are annoying!) and I'm still the most powerful -living- wizard and tnx to my secret that will stay that way! (yeah, you thought I was going to tell ya eh? No no no, I won't give it away to you guys! Nevah! *evil*) (duuuh)

Well, not much really. That's it... I was thinking about having a nice dinner with Bella sometime... Yeah, I know, she just t.o.t.a.l.l.y. messed it up, but I need to keep her friendly. She needs to think she's still worth sth... Ah damn, need to go, I think it's going to rain soon and my laundry is still drying outside :S.

Laterz! Voldy

This is such an amazing idea Clare, well done! And well done Lara for encouraging it as a game! It's an hysterical idea. I love you guys, your so much fun!

OK this is my first attempt at an LJ ever. And it's not even mine, hehe.


What is it with Toasters and Nut Crackers? July to infinitee


Current Mood: Siriusly disturbed.
Current Music: ‘I can’t get you out of my head’ by Kylie.


I was killing this annoying self-centred cow of a ministry worker earlier today and guess what was running through my god damn mind. Toast! I mean what kind of statement is that sending out about my Precious Lord Voldemort image I’ve been grooming for like the past 30YEARS!. The entire world will think me a laughing stock. Ahhh!

Well I’ll give you the run down, as this is my own private diary that no one will think to bother to think of reading. Or would want to considering my colourful past. God help me though if they do! (Ooo I could put some kind of bodily mutilating curse on it, that would stop them! *gets thinking*).

Anyway getting to the point, I was killing this old hag down by, what the Muggles call Asda. She was buying the most horrific looking contraption I have ever see. I think they call it a Nut Cracker. Wouldn’t like to be her husband. (Eww wrong and ‘evil’ thoughts). Think I’m going to be sick. Anyway I had just started shouting Cruc - and then I thought shoot, did I leave the toaster on?! Not only that but my thoughts continued to wander and I began thinking the following:

"Did I leave the toaster on, or turn it off? Oh well what the hell I’ll send it to the neighbours house. It could do with a lick of paint. Idiot Muggles who love that horrible flowery wall paper, why can’t they just stick with a sleek simple black. I mean is it that hard! Their house would look so much better decorated with a char-grilled toast pattern. It would go great with that violent, not to mention offensive pink. Eww! And to finish off, a nice smattering of blood. Blood smears always work well with any setting. That would be the icing on the cake."

The old hag at my feet put up such a struggle whilst my attentions were engaged elsewhere. However she met a nice sticky end behind the New Look dust bins. Oh well at least I followed through with that plan. AKing her though didn’t have that normal thrill. I mean I was having more fun visually decorating the vulgar Muggle’s house who live down the road from me. I mean who can’t enjoy images of startled Muggles being blown off their feet by an angry toaster.

I mean- SHOOT! I’m losing it!

Here I am AKing an old hag who likes kinky toys and all I can think about was how best to disguise that hideous wall paper. DAMN IT! I’m turning in to that freak in St Mungo’s. What’s his name? The one with that beautiful curly blonde hair. Oh yes Gilderoy Lockhart. He’s such a handso-

DAMN IT! WHAT AM I THINKING? I’M LOSING IT? HELP!

I’m supposed to be the most feared wizard in the entire universe. Look at me. I’ll be a laughing stock. The next thing you know I’ll be admitting myself to St Mungos.

Oh well I gotta go. I’m having tea with the Lestranges in five minutes. Better not keep them waiting or tell them about my siriusly worrying day.

Loving Voldy
x x x

None of you even cares anymore, do you?

Current Mood: Pissed Off
Current Music: Another One Bites the Dust by Queen

Well, I'm ready to kill my LJ next, as no one in the world seems to care about me enough to read what I post! For pity's sake, Malfoy, I know you're in Azkaban, but haven't they got wireless there yet?! And Bellatrix, you WORSHIP the ground I walk on--yet I see not even one comment from you in the past five days. Crabbe, Goyle, I don't expect you to be able to operate a keyboard (are your fingers even small enough?) But the rest of you better start posting, NOW! From now on, every time I use the Dark Mark to summon, I expect to see ten comments on this page within the next ten minutes. I'll be keeping track. And don't think anonymous posts will count for anything! You've got to be logged in.

God. You're the most powerful wizard in the world, you've travelled further along the path to immortality than anyone else, and you still can't pull in an internet audience.

Anyway, I changed my background to green, after my favorite spell--what do you think? Or was the red better?

Needing a bit of F.U.N.

Current Mood: Distressed
Current Music: AC/DC – Highway to Hell

I was just listening to this song, and I thought, now that seems like a rather nice place, I’d like to visit, and see if I can’t get myself the head seat a la Dark Lord style, when I suddenly remembered, I CAN’T DIE! DAMN! DOESN’T ANYTHING NICE EVER HAPPEN TO ME!!!?

And I answer myself….noooooo, not really. Those few moments I managed gleeful evil laughter to cause twit boy to jerk painfully were oh too brief and fleeting.
So I did a little twirl on the catwalk and made a nice sparkly dark mark in the sky, and any minute now those imbeciles who throw themselves at my feet for the slightest bit of attention will come and comment on my LJ. I don’t care if what you write is nice, but it must be meaningful, evil, and respectful to ME.

Well, not Draco – I see he’s having himself a dinner party gone awry. Little do all those losers know I myself arranged for that Umbridge woman to be bitten. Fudge is way barking up the wrong tree.

I had a nice chat with Sevvy today, he told me about a devoted little team of fangirls he seems to have accumulated, calling themselves “Pongy Snape Loonies", or some such. I warned him NOT to let females of any kind interfere with his duties. He knows his place. I was assured he will put them in theirs. He tells me they have struck up an argument with some opposition to decide for themselves where his loyalties lie. HA! Don’t they know I am the world’s most accomplished legilimens? Don’t they KNOW Snape is E.V.I.L.!? Though such a discussion could prove interesting, I must “friend” one of them so as to read the scoop.

Damn – where are my minions? They should have arrived to comment by now! I think I’ll just take a peek at Sirius’ art gallery while I’m waiting….Wait - DAMN! Something is HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY, WRONG! *headdesks*

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"AWESOME" Accio: HA HA HA HA! OH, no, this could be addictive, Clare and Lara!

My poor reputation...I HATE bananas

Current mood: frantic, embarrassed
Music: Tangled - Maroon 5

Gah! Oh my Devil, I'm ruined! Ruined I tell you! My reputation..gone up in smoke...what ever will I do, what, what, WHAT? Don't talk to me like that! Of course I can fix it...no you can't! Stop it, I tell you! I just said not to worr - no, you didn't - oh, what does it, matter, just shut up already!

Huh? Oh, you want to know what's happened, do you? Well gave me one good reason WHY I should tell you! What happened to my old journal, huh? That fluffy, pink one which could read my mind - now THAT is what I call a journal! Oh, sorry, you asked what happened. Well, it all started when I was walking to Bella's house to ask her out for a bite (no, I'm not that mean, I promise, we just wanted some Italian food), and I had to walk past this fruit store - you know, the one on the corner of Knockturn and Diagon? And well, what do you know, I saw Potter nearby, getting some of his books. So, of course, it being my job to *evil laugh* kill him, I thought I'd sneak up and take him by surprise!

I can't go on...oh, I must...Well, some moronic person had dropped their banana peel on the ground and...oh, I can't say it...it's too embarrassing...I...I..I slid on it! There you go, laugh at poor old Voldie! That's right, I stepped on it and slid and landed right on my poor hiney. And Potter saw me, along with that stupid Mudbood and redhaired blood traitor. Uh oh, I actually wrote that?! Now DIE! Avada Kedavra, journal, adios!

*3 hours, 11 mins - no 12 mins - no, 11 was right - on hang on, why do I care how much friggin later it is??*

Well, I decided that it wasn't a good idea to blow this up after all. I need something to rage in! To continue, I was too embarrassed even to blow Potter up - I mean, what the dementor's wrong with me??? He just saw me break my friggin tailbone on a BANANA peel, and I can't even perform a curse to make it up??? C'mon!

Oh Devil, I want to die...I'm going to go punish Lucius for making me perform all those immortality tricks. Then I'll go kill Goyle, I think. He's outlived his use.

Signed, Poor old Voldie

Subject: Is it good or bad?

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Ploem ploem jenka (hup hop versie) - Ome Henk

If I'm evil, and I like something, does that mean it's good, or bad?

Nevermind. I'm not in a philosophical mood today.

Got a new icon today. I want to learn how to make those little animated .gif icons. So kewl!


BTW, Sorry it took so long to update guys. I wrote this big, long, really good post, and then I went to send it, and IT DISAPPEARED!! So I cursed my computer, but you know how technology and magic don't mix? So yeah, the only way I could get it to stop climbing on my ceiling and tiring to imitate a pigeon looking for a target was to blow it up.
And it took forever to find a decent internet cafe that serves those awesome chocolate-raisin biscottis.
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User: Half_Blood_Ponce
Comment: Dude, you coulda used my computer.

Reply: Thank you Severus, but I do not go crawling to my minions for assistance. I command. And anyway, you don't have biscottis.

New month, new attitude August 1

Mood: Optimistic
Music: Hanson - Mmm Bop

So I got a new computer, and it was only a few Galleons too, really good value. I just went over and had a word with ma good buddy Bill Gates, one evil super villian to another, and here I am, super quick dial up, plasma screen and a kick ass anti virus program.

All in all I'm feeling a lot better now. You know how when one part of your life goes well all the rest sorta fall into place? Well that's what's happened. I went to see MacNair to get *him* to top Goyle, seeing as how I'm faaaarrr too important to do it myself, and when I got to his house, it was all torn apart, completly trashed, it was a good job too, anyhoo, the place was torn to shreds. Strangely though, there were just two Hippogriff feathers lying on the couch. Odd indeed. Sooooo, Without that big oaf about, there is once again need for Goyle, after all, even if one is the most powerful wizard EVER, one needs pure muscle to do what they're told without thinking. It just looks good, OK?



You are Stewie. All you care about is world domination and killing your mother Lois, good luck with your plans!

Which Family Guy Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hell Yeah! I like this kid! Although it was father: Tom, but close enough!

I wonder if my LJ is a Horcrux. Let me see...The ring, the cup, the locket, Dumbledore's beard, Neville's toad, Neville's gran's vulture hat, Harry's left pinky, the entire Weasley family and the LJ. Yeah, I'm sure it is. It's hard to keep track. Oh well, if it is, noone will ever destroy it, my password is foolproof!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

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User: Half_Blood_Ponce
Comment: Is it 'Catsuit'?

Reply: Damn.

Bored and thinking of changing my name...
Bored
August 3rd

I don't know, maybe if I start over with a new name that everyone can fear... It's just so simple now. Everytime my name is mentioned, everyone runs. If I change my name, I'll get to start over again... maybe I can even get a new nemesis...







Bah! Does anyone know how to lj-cut these things?!!

OMG this should totally have a real LJ! Clare, fab-o idea!! I haven't loffed this hard in...well, probably since I wandered away from the murder party thread.

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[insert interesting subject here] Do it NOW! The Dark Lord commands you!!

Current mood: cheesed off
Current music: none....er..I've killed the radio

Sooooo I went searching the internet today. I think the Muggles call it surfing--rather like what that picture in my Hawaiian name is supposed to do...only there's no water. Bah, stoopid muggles, mixing their own terms. Anywho, I ran across these stories about me. And they were not flattering. I am most displeased. Apparently, this collection was written by some of Sirius' and Severus' fangirls....and they'd put me in a tub of some sort. A tub! With syrup and a catsuit! First of all, Severus is convinced this was all fun and games, but I don't think so. I mean, how could they know about my hot tub and catsuit?! No. I must search the tub room for detecting devices. I'm certain someone's been playing Peeping Tom! *chortle* Peeping Tom....hee...good one. I kill me.

Anyway, I think some dark detectors and a sneakoscope or two might be in order. I have the distinct feeling that damned Potter twit is behind this somehow. Oh blimey! What if he wanted to sell footage of me slipping in the syrup?! Damn him!

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Comment: Boy_Who_Lived
Fear me!! First bananas and now this! You're done for now, Voldemort. The Daily Prophet, The Quibbler, BBC1 *and* The Wireless Wizarding Network are all going to carry this exclusive! "The Dark Lord Revels in Hot Fudge" HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Reply: Damn you, Potter!!! Where the hell is that radio?!

Oh no!! I should not read this whilst I'm at work I've been snickering for the past half hour. You guys have made some really funny entries, Clare this game is great!

Current Mood: Ugly
Current Music: TLC – Unpretty

It's all about the pretty people

So me and Bella had an argument this morning, felt kind of bad when I crucio-d her but everyone knows Johnny Depp is a way cooler pirate than Orlando ‘girlypants’ Bloom. Just because she thinks he’s pretty, pah women!! I mean Johnny Depp has the best lines, the coolest outfit and the funniest walk. When did it all begin to revolve around looks?!? I mean have you seen Mr and Mrs Smith people?! How many freaking assassins look like that?! You don’t see films about such greats as Branston the Blood Curdler and Aesop the Evil. OK so Branston had more scars than skin and Aesop had that second head but come on!! They were way better then Brad ‘I’m so pretty I could just cry’ Pitt.

Trouble is this started me thinking, do the public only want the pretty people? After all my hard work will I be forgotten? Will I only be remembered because I was the Master of someone like Malfoy? (Damn him and his chiselled good looks) OMG will he get all my glory?! Will he be Mr Ruler of the World 2005?! Damn it I want that title! I want the flowers and the stupid sparkly thing they balance on your head. Yet I fear I shall never receive such a coveted prize looking the way I do. So I’m thinking of making myself look a bit…prettier. *shudder*

I was thinking of getting some blue eye contacts and then I’ll have purple eyes, people like purple right? I’ve also got this new cream from The Body Shop that gives you ‘an illuminating glow without the use of make up’. I’ll give it a week and if my complexion hasn’t improved I’m AK-ing the sales girl.

*Sigh* When did life get so complicated?

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Comment Kicked_Sirius_Ass:
OMG, I had no idea you were feeling so low *hugs*. I think your eyes are fabbity as they are, red is so your colour. If it makes you feel better I think you're prettier than Orly, I had the Xmas party photo’s developed and you look better than he did in that blonde wig.

Reply:
Really, you really mean that? *hugs*

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Comment CONSTANT_VIGILANCE:
OK I know I shouldn’t be commenting here, beings as one of your blokes killed my mate but I really know what you’re going through. I hate having to stand next to Kingsley in office pictures.

Reply:
I know! He’s such a dish; you want me to get rid of him?

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Azkaban_Blonde:
So master you think I have chiselled good looks then?

Reply:
*Reaches for wand*

Dark and difficult times lie ahead - and I don't know what to wear!

Current mood: Depressed
Music: My Heart Will Go On

Ohmyfriggingdamn, my new 'puter is already jinxed. There are millions of adds everytime I open the browser. There was one with the picture of a lady in luvly pink lace and white satin underwear. I clicked the link to see more of them, even order some, and it led to some stupid site. Shoulda known better - the ladies on the site had no underwear at all. I felt so disappointed. I mean, how can you make an order if you don't even see the products? Them advertisers are cheaters. Dunno. I was so depressed I had to Avada few random Muggles, and I was still down.

I called my friend Bill, and guess what he told me: if I wanted to rid of those adds I should in-stall or something like that the virus thingie inside the computer. I was like, do you think I'm idiot? Just because I'm bald, anorectic red-eyed monster, doesn't mean I can't handle computers. I was offended even more when he said he has an appointment and he would have to hang up. That sorry lier! Like I didn't know when he's lying, being a Legilemens and all... I even won bronze in Junior Legilemency contest some time ago. They wouldn't first let me in, said I was too old. What do they know? I'm still a child at heart. All those years I lost when I was just a bodiless spirit existing in the void, watching all those purrrty high fash clothes I couldn't wear. It makes me cry...

Nobody wants to be my friend.

I should probably ask Snape to install the anti-virus thingie tomorrow.


I'm going to hire an image consult. A rivaling Evil Overlord snapped me (Putin if you're reading this, I hope you are sorry) that calling my servants "Death Eaters" is so last year! I was like "Ok..." How could I have known? I mean, I've been lately so busy with my world dominion and coloring books that I've hardly paid attention to keep up with the latest Evil trends. So I now consider that instead of renaming myself, I should rename them. I was thinking about "Black-Caped Fellas" or "Fearbringers" or even "Armageddon's Army" but they don't have teh same sting than Death Eaters, you know. So I need an image advisor, someone who knows a lot about these things. I want to be feared and respected in the good way.


p.s. Okay now I burned my tofu cake. This totally suxxxxx0r.

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User: Boy_Who_Lived
Comment: Hey how 'bout calling your Death Eaters "Good-for-nothing-sissies-who-make-bunnyrabbits-look-scary" ?

Reply: Just go away. Bad karma and all that jazz.

Reply Reply: hahahahahahahaaaaa

Reply Reply Reply: I hate you.

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User: Kicked_Sirius_Ass
Comment: awwwww, you need a huggie *huggles* btw, can I borrow your red shoes for the Picnic?

Reply: You still haven't returned my scarf. Bring it back once, and I may consider.

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User: I_Am_Smarter_Than_You
Comment: Would you like to support S.P.E.W.?

Reply: Do I look like a charity? I'm not rich! Do you have any idea how much it costs to feed Giant army? Sheesh how selfish some people can be.

LOOKIE! I started a trend with the comments! *pats self on back*

This isn't an entry. This is just craziness. I can't believe I went and did that.

www.livejournal.com/us...k_lord_tmv
Username: Dark_Lord_TMV
password: riddle
(I wasn't being creative)

Now we can make this a real LJ. I haven't fiddled with the settings or done anything especially funny with the profile yet. Ideas?

The password's not working; but I was thinking if we make it a community we can post from our individual LJs. Needs flushing out this idea.

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Continued Image Makeover

Current mood: blank
Current music: These Dreams - Heart

That damned Draco Malfoy and his stupid good looks. You'd think he'd be a *bit* more contrite after failing to kill Dumbledore. He's lucky I don't throw his skinny Slytherin behind into Azkaban with his poor, pathetic, fashionista papa. Hmph. He came over last night and laughed at my Body Store products. But, sir, this is crap--no testing on animals?! What kind of evil overlord uses crap products like that?! Go back and figure out your own damned murder mystery, twerp! I happen to support PETA, I admit it! And why not? Just because I'm the Dark Lord doesn't mean I can't like bunnies and puppies as well! I mean, there's Wormtail! Everyone always wonders why I haven't AK'd his sorry behind long before now. It's not like I don't know what a cowardly twit he is. But....I like Scabbers. I make him transform and then I take him to bed at night and he wriggles and squirms and feels so nice and squashy. *happy sigh* I think I'll go find Wormtail and take a nap.

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Comment: Quaffle_King
*sniff* Yeah, Scabbers was good for that.

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Arin-Kei, you need to shrink that siggy picture down--it's a tad large.

current mood: giddy
current music: Footloose, Kenny Loggins
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This whole thing, this internet, it can be quite addicting. I must, however, do something about this blasted dial-up! It's hideous. Perhaps I could use my beloved Imperious Curse on that weasel, what's his name.... Weasley! Ahh, yes, Nagini, of course you would remember. Anyway, everyone knows his obsession with tinkering with all things Muggle. Perhaps he could hook me up with something high speed. Trying to search out eBay on this slow connection is as bad as waiting for Crabbe to string more than two words together at once! I did, however, manage to buy a pair of a certain double-double-triple-quadruplet spy's undies from someone named Weatherwaxing. Quite amusing. I think I'll "regift" them to him this year at Christmas. He is always so hard to buy for, and the look on his face will be an added bonus. He has time to send out undies to poncy-Snape-lovahs while I spend years roaming around trying to get my bod back! Hmmpf!

I'm still having trouble with these layouts and what is called lj-cuts. I finally had to give up! I was way too tempted to Sectumsempra the whole blasted thing! I have been lurking ljs, as they say, and I've spotted a few who seem to know the lj-cut tricks of the trade. I may have to legilimens their arses!

I also "googled" myself today! Can someone please tell me who this Ralph Fiennes thinks he is??!

That's all for now. Nagini needs milking and I've stumbled across a great Texas Hold'em site.

Voldie
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User: me_crabbe
comment: You said googled....hahahahaha

Reply: Three words! Very good, Crabbe. Now...Crucio!

User: Anyway_I_want_to_look_Tonks
comment: Sorry, Moldie, but you definitely can't hang with Ralph oh-so Fine! He is the sexiest EVAH!! Reminds me so much of my one and only with the furry little problem. ahhhh...
Spello