Thanks 07potterfan! I'm glad you liked it!

Ebony, you have such an extraordinary talent!!! Your style of writing is almost identical to mine when I write poetry, except I can't write that well. ^_^I love all of your poems! They have so much description in them! I can't wait to read more!!


~Pawprint

*flies in*

Wow! Lots of poems I’ve not yet read!

Unwanted:
Aww, poor Sev! I do so love him.
First thing’s first – your rhyme scheme is a little out in this. It’s perfect with the abcb style except of stanzas 3, 6 and 8, where the rhyme just disappears. I think it’d be awesome if you managed to get the whole poem in the same style!
I like how you’ve written it – you’ve captured both Severus’ love for Lily and the bitterness he feels knowing that she’s not his. The hatred towards James is excellent too.

Was It Real?:
*chases tail* Yay a Remus/Tonks!
There’s a teensy typo – Marriage
As for the rhyming… The last two stanzas are slightly dodgy… I think the soon/womb is close enough, but the moon/ruin doesn’t really rhyme at all. Perhaps try other words like ‘hewn’ or ‘immune’ to rhyme with moon?
'That dominates his life,
and to love makes him immune'
or something...?
I like the way you’ve gone into Tonks’ thoughts and feelings about the time Remus tried to bail on her. We only saw his side, so it’s great that you’ve explored hers. I also like the imagery, and I think that

Quote::

I do think he once loved me, The proof is in my womb.

Is my favourite part – it’s very well written!

ETA: I just read that Nin suggested the last line – I’m wondering what you had there to begin with? If you edit, please keep in what you originally had so that we can follow your progress. It's great to see how things change

Slash:
Heh – the title says it all really. I like the lively pace to this poem, it suits the subject very well. It’s nice and fun, and very enjoyable to read!

S.P.E.W:
lol! Very cute! I like the repetition with the ‘rights for elves’ stanzs – it really makes it seem like a chant. I can imagine them holding signs and walking in a circle chanting this at the top of their voices. It’s very fun and upbeat – and it made me giggle! I also like how they can’t help but argue.
One suggestion – perhaps use different colours to show when it is Ron speaking, and when it is Hermione speaking. If Hermione only has that one line, then just put that in a colour – just to make it visually clear that there’s another voice in the poem.

*chases tail*

Great work Ebony!!!

Hey, i_heart_padfoot, thanks *hugs* your support means such a lot to me!

Cazza, I'll change Hermiones' one line and the typo (thanks for pointing that out)! I know I do use half-rhymes a lot! Cringe! Anyway, thanks for your reviews! I'm glad you like my poems and your advice is always great! *hugs*

Title: Loony
Rating: PG
Con Crit?: Sure!
Disclaimer: Harry and his world don't belong to me. I am making no money from this. No harm is intended.

Wrackspurts and Knargles!
Yes, they are real!
Your cruel insults hurt,
And old wounds don't heal!

I'm different to you!
Even I can see!
But that doesn't give you,
The right to hurt me!

You hide all my stuff,
You call me that name.
You all call me Loony,
It's always the same.

I'm overlooked!
I'm underated!
I'm pushed aside!
I'm always slated!

I want to be loved!
I want to fit in!
I wish you'd just let me,
Fit in my own skin!

I do have feelings!
Wish you'd realised sooner,
My name's not Loony!
My name is Luna!

---

Not the best poem I've ever written and I know the last verse is a bit shaky but I decided to post anyway!

This was very cute! It actually describes Luna really well! I love how she seems to be standing up for herself! Great job! *Hugs*

Thanks, Nin!

Ebony

xxx

I agree with Nin. Loony is great. It really does describe Luna well.

Thanks, potterfan! I'm glad you liked it!

Ebony

xxx

Title: Mr Black
Rating: PG
Summary: Short rhyme about our own Mr Black...
Con crit?: yes
Disclaimer: Sirius doesn't belong to me (although I can dream) and I am making no money from this. No harm is intended...

Mr Black

There he stands,
With his long hair!
Gleaming eyes,
That softly stare,
Into yours,
As you draw near,
He stands tall,
He shows no fear.
You look at him,
He looks back.
You gently whisper,
"Mr Black?"
He smiles at you.
As he does this,
You give his gentle
Lips a kiss.
You stare at him,
For a long while.
Then you both,
Start to smile.
Was it worth it?
Can you be sure?
Well to find out,
You must have more!
Soon you are
Both making out.
Was there ever
Any doubt?
He is the best!
Now he's back!
Our very own,
Mr Black!

I'm not sure if this is a proper poem. It's more of a little rhyme that came to me when I was bored today, at school!

---

Title: The persicution of Muggle-borns
Rating: PG
Notes: Originally written as part of a school project on the Holocaust but I figured it could work for this, too.
Con crit?: Yes
Disclaime: The muggle-borns do not belong to me. I am making no money and no harm is intended.

An undesirable place,
With many a crowded room.
People hurt and trapped and faced,
With inescapable doom.

Traumatised people lying there,
Nothing to do but wait.
Not knowing when they next wake up,
Of what will be their fate.

Families, all torn apart,
Lost hope and broken dreams.
Tortured, hurt and all alone,
No one to hear their screams!

Each day they wake up thinking,
That they might have to leave.
There’s only one way out of there,
Too gruesome to believe!

People are waiting silently,
No tears left to cry.
A miserable existence.
No life left to die.

---

Ebony

xxx